Sorry, Jessica: Having a baby isn’t a valid excuse to eat a whole cake each week. If you really want to have cake, just have cake. Don’t decorate it with a series of “0” candles and act like your baby is capable of eating it when everyone knows you’re just going to settle into a Lifetime movie on the couch with that casserole dish and a fork.

Again, I’m not knocking eating cake! German chocolate (or “choc.”, for those who eat so much cake they can’t bother spelling out “chocolate” anymore) is a particularly delicious flavor. I myself indulge in ice cream from a stand up the street more times each week than I care to admit. But I think it’s good to accept your sugar cravings for what they really are. Those “0” candles are meant to be tacked onto other numbers, not used individually, if you catch my drift. Don’t do this 51 more times. Oh, and don’t do this either.

Related: Selfish Bitch Cake!

(submitted by Anonymous)