I’m a solo polyamorous hetero-romantic pansexual cisgendered man. My serious romantic relationships have all been with cis women, but most of my sex partners are men. Since I bottom when I am with men, most people think I must be closeted or suffer from “internalized homophobia.” This has caused tension with the women I date, ranging anywhere from women not wanting to be with me because they think I am “living a lie” to a recent situation where I was repeatedly “outed” by a bi female poly partner who told people (friends, random gay men) that I was “into guys” and “bi.”
I asked her many times to stop, explaining that while those labels may be accurate when I’m in a kink club or my doctor’s office, it is up to me to decide when to use them and with whom. And because I am hetero-romantic, I do not identify...