Touchers are the New Flashers

Beware, parents: “Toucher” predators are on the loose, and they’re preying on your children. Unfortunately, because they have no outwardly defining characteristics and are nearly impossible to spot, a toucher could be just about anyone. That old lady you occasionally see in line at the post office? Toucher. The homeless man begging for change in the Bally Fitness parking lot? Toucher. Heck, even a food worker could be a toucher! You never know until it’s finally happened. That’s what’s so gross about them!

The important thing is that you scrub your baby immediately after a toucher has come into contact with the baby’s hands and feet (or, god forbid, their head and face). If need be, give your baby a bath in the nearest bathroom sink (lining the sink with an eco-friendly portable bath tub). And above all, don’t be afraid to tell a toucher that you don’t appreciate their dirty habit. Some of them don’t realize that others view their abnormal behavior as impolite, filthy and weird, and you’ll be doing them a big favor by letting them know. 

Related: First Trip to Epcot

PS: I do not endorse pulling a baby’s pacifier out of his mouth. That’s kinda crazy.

(submitted by Anonymous)

*Note: I was told by the submitter that Jill’s baby was not in the NICU.*