Supposedly the next Destiny 2 DLC after Curse of Osiris is going to be about a Warmind, Rasputin, Charlemagne, one of those. But that’s not what I want to see. I’m going to cook something…else up instead. Something that I think would benefit the game greatly.
Stay with me here, and hopefully you can hear the voice acting in your head:
ZAVALA: Guardian, troubling news. The Vanguard has been pouring over data reports in the lead up to Ghaul’s invasion. It seems as if someone was transmitting access codes, defensive failsafes and backup protocols to the Cabal. Someone inside The Last City.
IKORA: With that kind of access, possibly from the Tower itself.
CAYDE-6: It wasn’t me, I swear!
ZAVALA: The signal has been re-routed all across the system, making it impossible to trace back to its source.
GUARDIAN (WHO CAN ACTUALLY SPEAK): What do you need me to do?
IKORA: Locate the last signal spike. There’s been fresh activity on this encrypted backchannel, and we’re worried that with the Red Legion decimated, the source may now be reaching out to the Fallen, who are sitting on mountains of glimmer as they gather their strength.
[GUARDIAN heads to the EDZ where he kills a bunch of Fallen and finds an enormous weapons cache]
GHOST: These are…our weapons. Hakke, Omolon, MIDA. Selling secrets is one thing, but arms? We have to stop them.
GUARDIAN: I think we have our first suspect.
[GUARDIAN returns to Tower]
BANSHEE-44: Hmmm, missing weapons? I…don’t, I don’t think so. I mean we get a lot coming through here, and you Guardians turn most of the ones I hand you into damn shards anyway. Mmm I think we had a shipment go missing a few weeks back. Or was that a few months? Can’t remember.
GHOST: I don’t think our friend here is capable of pulling off this caper.
BANSHEE-44: Lemme see one. Ah, yeah, there’s an ID number. We sent a crate off to a fireteam on Mars who ran out of ordinance trying to kill some big Cabal. Never heard back. This looks like one of ‘em.
[GUARDIAN flies to Mars, cutscene occurs on the way]
GHOST: Huh, there’s a group of Guardian ships approaching. I wonder if Zavala sent backup?
GUARDIAN: Why are we being target locke—
[GUARDIAN is blown out of the sky by the formation of ships]
[GUARDIAN wakes up in a Fallen prison cell, stripped of gear]
GHOST: Well, I think we’re on the right track.
[GHOST unlocks the cell and Guardian stealthily recovers her gear and kills a lot of Fallen. They discover a hangar full of Guardian ships and sparrows]
GHOST: How would Fallen even drive those with all their arms?
[GUARDIAN is attacked by Fallen riding Sparrows]
GUARDIAN: This isn’t good. With these vehicles, that means they could have fresh access codes to The Last City itself. An infiltration, not a siege like the Cabal.
GHOST: Those Fallen are shifty.
[GUARDIAN returns to Tower]
ZAVALA: What do you mean we have to change every security protocol in the The Last City? That could take days. And it would totally disrupt our patrol sched—
GUARDIAN: Trust me, I know what I saw. Whoever this is supplying the Fallen with everything. We decrypted data from their Mars base. They’re transferring millions of Glimmer to someone in The Last City.
IKORA: Who could be so heartless?
CAYDE-6: Again, not me! I mean I literally don’t have a heart, but you know what I mean.
AMANDA (on comms): Sir, seein' some thick smoke in the East Quarter from up here.
[The Vanguard rushes to attend to an explosion, but while distracted, the Fallen that have already infiltrated the city decloak and start ravaging everything. GUARDIAN kills a lot of Fallen.]
GHOST: Guardian, I’ve managed to decrypt the last payment made from the Fallen. It’s being accessed as we speak. But it’s in a…bad part of town.
GUARDIAN: We just killed a few hundred Fallen, I’m sure we’ll manage.
ZAVALA: Take care of this traitor Guardian. This city will not survive a third assault.
[GUARDIAN begins a new RAID set in the slums and underneath The Last City itself. Straggler Fallen attack, but so do well-armed human, Exo and Awoken thugs.]
GHOST: Who would do this? Who would sell out their own kind for profit? Criminal scum.
[GHOST notices a discarded banner on the ground]
GHOST: I don’t recognize this symbol. “n3”? What gang is that?
GUARDIAN: I…don’t think it’s a gang.
[GUARDIAN picks up the banner and turns it around. It reads “EV.”]
GHOST: It...can’t be.
TESS EVERIS: Hello, Guardian.
GUARDIAN: Tess.
TESS EVERIS: You and your Ghost are too clever for you own good, you know that?
[TESS walks around to her desk which is laden with piles of Glimmer and Bright Dust and Ghost Shells. Behind her sits an enormous vault door.]
GHOST: Why, why would you do this, Tess? We trusted you. We thought you were helping us!
[TESS waves her hand dismissively]
TESS EVERIS: You think war is about honor and valor and friendship? War is about profit, my friends. Always has been, even before the Collapse, always will be. You Guardians are hypocrites. You’re all the same as me.
GUARDIAN: We would never sell out those we protect for…what, coins? Dust?
TESS EVERIS: Oh really? How much Glimmer do you have on you, right now? 100,000? How many ships do you own? Sparrows? How many guns and armor sets in your vault?
GUARDIAN: We use those to protect people.
TESS EVERIS: Please, you use those to have fun, and what you don’t use, you hoard. Just like me. You idiots were even paying me for dance moves.
GHOST: But we did pay you. Was Eververse not enough?
TESS EVERIS: Eververse was never going to be enough.
GUARDIAN: You killed thousands by selling those codes, our tech.
TESS EVERIS: And you Guardians have killed millions of other sentient races. Have you ever actually talked to the Cabal, the Fallen? You can actually have a conversation instead of shooting them in the face as soon as you see them, you know. Besides, I knew you would be there, knights in shining armor, to stop any conflict before we were annihilated.
GHOST: Ghaul almost blew up the sun!
TESS EVERIS: Well I can’t see it from down here, but I’m pretty sure it’s still shining.
GUARDIAN: You’re sick, and you’re coming with us. Eververse is over. You, are over.
TESS EVERIS: I told you, you Guardians aren’t so much different than me. And there are some who are more honest about it…
[TESS summons a Warlock, Titan and Hunter, her personal bodyguard, all wearing full sets of THE DAWNING armor]
[A furious battle ensues as GUARDIAN has to fight the corrupt Guardians with his raid team. After they’re killed, TESS boards an exotic gunship and takes aim at the Guardians who must destroy the craft.]
TESS (dying in the crashed cockpit): You can kill me, but they’ll find a way. They’ll find a way to make you pay.
[TESS dies]
GHOST: Who is she talking about?
GUARDIAN: No idea.
[GUARDIAN pulls a lever on TESS’s desk and a huge door swings open. In the underground lair there are dozens and dozens of chests among towering piles of Silver. When opened, they explode with not just guns, but Eververse ships, sparrows, ornaments, armor sets. Everything she’s ever sold.]
[GHOST surveys the carnage in the next room]
GHOST: All this for what, greed?
GUARDIAN: Sorry, what? Stop talking and help me transmat all this incredible loot back to the Tower. God, I wish my vault had this much space.
[GHOST eyes GUARDIAN suspiciously]
GHOST: Yes…Guardian.
----
Credits roll
----
This is without question the goofiest Destiny post I’ve ever written but man, do I think it would be awesome/hilarious to structure an entire DLC around Tess being a secret traitor complete with an Eververse loot-filled raid with her and corrupt Guardians as a final boss. It would be a way to nuke Eververse completely and stay in the lore of the game. It would obviously be better written and structured than what I’ve done here, but man, I think this would be a lot of fun, and just what the game needs. It’s..obviously never going to happen, but we can dream, can’t we? Thanks in part to Briar Rabbit whose "Kill Tess Everis" video helped inspire this idea.
Thanks for indulging me, and if you made it this far, I’m impressed. There’s a 95% chance this was more stupid than clever, but I had fun writing it. Now, back to Dawning Engram grinding…
Oh also, if you liked this, I wrote a science fiction trilogy you might want to check out. Thanks!
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