Clear Vision on a Cloudy Day

About a year ago, I was getting responses to a letter that I had written a couple of days back. It was more of a long note than a letter and it was to inform a number of people that I was to leave the city of Hyderabad in a week. The reactions of those who read the letter were on expected lines as most of them were shocked because I had told them what I had to at such short notice. That letter, as most of you know, was called “The End of the Ride.” A little over six months after that, I wrote an epilogue to the letter and this was put up on a public forum. It was titled “A Series of Fortunately Unfortunate Events” and was all about how I was trying to adjust to places and how I still missed Hyderabad.

On June 6 this year, when I was thinking about the situation in which “The End of the Ride” was written, I wondered why I was not able to tell people that I was leaving the city and instead had to end up writing a letter to inform the same.

A year later, many things have changed or as I would like to say, evolved. However, there hasn’t been much change in the approach that I have towards things in general. The only difference is probably that I am a little less vocal about my opinion now as I have almost accepted that it is all in the mind, something which I constantly told Yashik when he was with me in Dehradun.

Yashik’s visit to Dehradun was a very enriching experience for me as it helped me get rid of many scars from the past, especially ones that had cropped up over the past year. One of the statements which he made about me during one of our many discussions took me off guard- he felt that I had become more open, something which may actually be a good thing. On a lighter vein, Yashik also managed to find time to teach me chess while we were at Mussoorie! Yashik’s visit was the perfect opportunity to get rid of the grief and pain that I faced after I left Hyderabad and now I am at peace with myself. Life hasn’t been this good in a long time and for this I am not only indebted to him but also to all the others who contributed in some way or the other.

While he was here, Yashik had one query that I couldn’t answer and it was obviously something to do with why I had to resort to writing a farewell letter last year. There are many reasons for this and some of them need not be understood by everyone. If you look at the number of people I thanked in that letter, you will notice that it is quite a number of people and informing all of them in person would not have been very easy. Some have said that I should have at least informed my closest friends and they are right; there is no doubt about that. It is just that I couldn’t gather enough courage to go and tell them that I was leaving Hyderabad. The letter was written at short notice as it was already too late. However, I did try giving many hints to all those who mattered, it is just that they didn’t pay much attention to detail. Lalita and Vishnu knew about this at least two weeks before the others got to know. This was because they were the only people who were expected to give a mature reaction, something which can’t be said about the others. These two may behave like children in public but when it comes to understanding things by taking them into perspective, there isn’t quite anyone like them.

So, here I am, a year later, writing this as a mere formality and for a reason I can’t seem to figure out. All that has happened has been put behind and all that I seek is a fresh start, something which will help me over the coming years in the course of the law school grind. The other day someone from the Uni had called and she said that I had never sounded this calm and satisfied in Gandhinagar, a place where people relish their experiments with society. Dun as a place helped me a lot although there isn’t much to do here. All I do here is sit and laze around, read, write, take long walks, have a drink once in a while and take photographs of random things. Then there are the nice feel-good family conversations and a few healthy arguments. All this has helped make Dun a rather satisfying experience for me. Though I have a few friends here I still feel that the best company that I can have is my own self, the person that knows me best as it is nothing but a part of me.

Now, after the end of the ride in the City of Pearls, I am riding the wave of hope and happiness with renewed vigour. Like all waves, this wave is dangerous too but then what is life without risks? After all, I may just end up finding a pearl or two in the sea of humanity!