Wow! What an honor to be opening up the first annual Moonies! When hoho reached out to me to see if I’d be interested in this gig, I said, “Me? But I’ve never even modded a game!” To which he replied, “<3.” And I said, “No, seriously, I don’t think I’m qualified.” To which he replied, “<3.” And I said, “Fine. I’ll do it. But I’m not pulling any punches. I’m speaking truth to you Avocado elites!” To which he replied, “<3.” So strap in, Werewolfers. This is going to get uglier than when Disqus inevitably introduces something called “sideways voting” and reveals that they have nudes of all of us, which are henceforth our new mandatory avatars.

Also—and this is huge breaking news—that’s not a heart hoho’s making when he does that “<3” thing. It’s a butt, y’all. He’s calling you a butt.

Anyway, welcome to the first annual Moonies, celebrating the great game of Werewolf here on the Avocado! A pastime that’s responsible for more than 10,000 collective hours of time theft from workplaces across the globe! Just one more thing before we get underway here. I do have a brief announcement: Sic, I’ve just been informed you’ve been day-killed. On Day 1. Again. See you in the graveyard, bud.

You know, we’ve had a Werewolf game going here at the Avocado pretty much constantly for the past couple years, which means there’s almost always a thread on the homepage that says something like, “Werewolf 99—Wizards of Waverly Place Day 6: Blood Reckoning.” And you have to wonder what it’s like for non-Werewolf-playing Avocados to decide to peek in on one of our games and read through the header to learn that the Micro Machines Guy was apparently killed by a Paddington Bear serial killer who was also killed by the wolves, and the Micro Machines Guy was a lover with Crash Bandicoot, so now it’s kill or be killed. And then, in the first couple comments, the Noid is role-claiming as the jailer, but Guy Fieri is counter-claiming, and for some reason Ludwig Wittgenstein can only communicate using Hannah Montana gifs! It must be as inscrutable to them as dw’s roleplays are to the rest of us!

I’m kidding, I’m kidding. dw, of course we’re all familiar with iconic characters such as *checks notes* Dante, Son of The Demon Sparda, and Giorno Giovanna.

But, really, that’s one of the great things about Werewolf—it’s inexplicableness. Who here has ever tried to explain what it is we spend all this time doing on this website to a friend or family member? I once tried explaining Werewolf to my boss (God knows why), and over the course of that explanation I could feel myself transforming into a six-year-old babbling about Yu-Gi-Oh! to their uncle who they’ve cornered at a family reunion. And the explanation ends, of course, with the phrase with which so many of us overzealous nerds are all too familiar: “Oh. That sounds . . . interesting.” I feel so ingrained in our Werewolf community that I have to remind myself that, anywhere outside of the open thread, this is a very nerdy activity. And that’s hard for a suave, pedal-to-the-metal, bad-ass dude such as myself to admit. But I take solace in the fact that, even if we Werewolfers are nerdy, at least we’re not the Musicals Thread, amiright? I mean, jeez, talk about a dorky hobby. Who runs that thing again?

Looking around the room, I see we have a lot of heavy hitters here at the Moonies. We’ve got Jake over there with Grump, Demyx, and Spiny. How’d y’all get so good at this game? Is it because you, I don’t know, strategize and play the game and generally don’t spend all your time looking for the perfect Property Brothers gif or some stupid shit like that?

We’ve got Stoneheart over here as well. What’s that, Stoneheart? It’s Day 1 and you’re role-claiming as the serial killer? Finally, things are getting interesting!

 

We’ve got some mathematically-minded folks in the audience. Nate’s working on a spreadsheet to distract us from the fact that he’s a wolf, and April is perfecting an algorithm that will break every future game, predicting wolves with 99% certainty before sign-ups are even over! Godspeed, you two.

 

Gramps isn’t here yet, but I suspect he’ll show up about twenty minutes to twilight to tie up the vote or something, creating an unforgettable and thrilling end to the game.

Ah, we’re a delightful bunch. But if I could get serious for a minute here, folks. We’re here to celebrate this very silly thing we all get together to do instead of working or otherwise being productive members of society. And it deserves celebration because that’s a beautiful thing. We are a bunch of people who decide to build these fantastical playgrounds for each other, and then we gather together to play a very silly game, to make-believe, to tell jokes, and to lie to each other a bunch. I can think of few better ways to build a community.

 

To borrow a phrase from hoho: <3.

 

Great job, Ralph, great job! Thank you very mucho and let me play you off the stage.

And here, with a quick word, is the fearsome…the legendary…the Tree Most Likely to Die with a Quickness: jaaaaaaaaake!!!

It cracks me up that one of the nicest corners of the Internet, populated by people who are especially creative, kind, and compassionate, is wholly committed to murderous duplicity. Perhaps because we all know what goes around comes around, everyone seems committed, at least most of the time, to remembering that this is just a game, a game that becomes a whole lot less fun when we take it too seriously, and a game where the most memorable moments run the gamut from a dramatic reveal or unexpected death to cute baby pictures, fantastic homemade videos, and versions of world history way better than what really happened. As a site mod, of course I have no favorites, but *whispers* y’all are my favorites. Thanks for letting me be part of the Werewolf family! Most importantly, never forget the cardinal rules of Werewolf: Never trust Grumproro, and always kill InnDe.

Thank you, jake! Best of luck on your Big Move <3<3<3

Alright, just a little bit of housekeeping before we set you maniacs free to cause chaos and shenanigans.

Throughout the weekend we’ll be posting Achievement Awards. These are data driven rather than voted on and we’d like to extend a humongoloid THANK YOU to sic for compiling all of the info <3 <3 <3

We will be having a Vote Thread for our first inductees into the Werewolves Hall of Fame. I split it into two categories: Mod and Player and I’d like to keep discussion of potentials, concerns, and voting contained in the Vote Thread. When you’re ready to place your Votes please BOLD them so that I can easily find them. I know I don’t have to tell this community but let’s keep it light and fun. If for some reason this starts going sideways I will not hesitate to nuke it from space 🙂

We’ll also be having (hopefully) fun and thought provoking prompts throughout the weekend. If you have any suggestions please keep them to yourself. Kidding kidding! Just be sure to make it a top level comment in BOLD.

Mostly we want to provide all of you lovelies with a place to shoot the shit, trade war stories, hang out, and revel in how awesome of a community we are.

Alright, apparently someone’s cutting onions so we’ll bid you adieu!

From the bottom of our hearts, Grumos and I thank you <3